Great Sounds Great; Bad Sounds Bad: Autozamm ‘The Review’

Great Sounds Great; Bad Sounds Bad is a column which sees a panel of writers for The Corner review a range of local singles and grade them out of 10. Check out the song below, read through their opinions and let us know in the comments section your own thoughts and what you’d like us to review next time around

[YouTube / Bandcamp]

[Grade: 2.1]

Danielle Street: This is some meta-type shit. Autozamm make some music, it gets crappy reviews, in return they make some more music venting frustration about the crappy reviews… and now I’m going to give it a crappy review. It’s no surprise the media is the subject of some angry discharge, as far as “most-trusted occupations” journalists fall at number 38, between celebrities and real estate agents. No biggie. But if you are pissed off then sound pissed off… this is languid pop music masquerading as rock ‘n’ roll. [3]

Louie G:

“Fuck critics: you can kiss my whole asshole, if you don’t like my lyrics you can press fast forward”
Jay-Z, 99 Problems (2003)

http://bit.ly/7rLxQy
Autozamm, The Review (2012)

[3]

Stephen Clover: I just know one of the other wags who work here is going to make some epic joke about reviewing a song called ‘The Review’. So have at it. Otherwise, words can not express how I feel about listening to this song for the full duty-bound once-through three minutes whilst staring in horror at the pictures of the band members in the banner image on their Bandcamp page. Especially the one who’s rocking the “Elizabethan coke fiend” look. Anyhoo. This is to me just reminiscent enough of a useless Rasberries cover act to earn it a measly [2], ok. There’s your ‘Review’, cock-sucker.

Hussein Moses: Look, if you’re going to try out this sort of thing, at least do it right. [1]

Sean Quay: The thing I like most about this song was that the band don’t feature in the video, so I didn’t have to look at Autozamm during the worst 3m04s of my life since their last release. [0]

Samuel Sweetguy: I feel sorry for NZ musicians, all of whom must now bear this as their anti-critic anthem. Please, for the love of god, someone write a better song on this subject. Here’s a terrible-but-still-better starting point for the slow learners http://youtu.be/FZUnVp-CWbU [2]

Luke Jacobs: For once Autozamm has a little bit of bite, the bite is with baby teeth but it’s still an improvement. It has the typical weaknesses from them – contrived lyrics, really awkward phrasing and annunciation and a clear lack of how to sound either relevant or classic. It’s not entirely awful dross but it’s nothing I haven’t heard before. Still better than the Feelers though. [3]

Tom Tremewan: While I’m sure that weaving the composite parts of a soft-rock banger like this takes a fair degree of technical competence, my beef is with the musical substance that it contributes as a finished piece. Far from sounding original, it doesn’t attempt a level of idiosyncrasy in any way. Instead, this track plays on established definitions of what makes a pop-rock song commercially playable. They say there’s safety in numbers, but this is safety in paint-by-numbers. Seamless production not only takes the edge off any potential heaviness the elements of this track might have to offer, but it sands any edges down into a soft spoon shape that feels delicate to the touch when it tries to hit your ears. Weak lyrical content and style coupled with the (recently highlighted and oft chastised) proliferation of American accents to give the vocals that sense of universal listenability sucks a lot of flavor out of this. I can’t tell if its empowering as a triumphant love rejection song, or scornful as an emotionally charged rock ballad. Not my cup of anything, sorry dudes. [2]

Tim Herbert: This is why I don’t listen to most radio stations. AND despite this track not receiving any – I cannot say I understand why Autozamm have received over $200,000 worth of NZ on Air funding. Pulling my maturity card and saying “They should be called Auto-Bland”. [2]

Laura Vincent: To me, it sounds very Feelers-esque. And very radio-friendly. Will it achieve the latter as well as the former? I will not stick around to find out. [3]

35 Comments

  1. Luke Jacobs says:

    The video is possibly the worst and dumbest I’ve seen in a long time…

  2. Chris says:

    like shooting fish in a barrel

  3. Billy Joel really let himself go, this is so boring. I want to think they crafted this song as some kind of sacrificial lamb to reviewers.

  4. Frank o o oh! says:

    oh my god, i think they just killed irony!!

  5. Here’s an interview with the band re: this song.

    “We came under fire from one particular journalist and we decided to make an example of him on behalf of every other fucking band in the country…”

    Q: So that’s what the song is all about?

    “Yeah if you watch the video it portrays that as well…”

    Q: Are you going to let us know who this Journalist is?

    “Yeah, Simon Sweetman, he basically has single handedly taken it upon himself to try and dismantle every commercial act in the country AND now he’s moved onto the comedy circuit which is good of him ya know…”

    http://www.muzic.net.nz/articles/interviews/46963/autozamm-interview-19052012

    • stephen says:

      Oh dear oh dear oh dear…

    • Luke Jacobs says:

      That ‘interview’ is so terrible I can’t believe I read it. Both parties come across being ill-informed and the band members sound like illiterate hicks. I know the person doing the interview probably was not paid but come on, quality control…

  6. Endsongs says:

    Without even considering the cliched radio-friendly-hard-rock-by-numbers, the puerile rage of the lyrics and the so-bad-it’s-embarrassing and defamatory video, just the hyper-compressed vacuum-sealed lifeless Rock-FM production of this alone makes it dreadful beyond redemption.

  7. Peter says:

    I’m not sure why this kind of music is reviewed in the first place. Food critics don’t review MacDonald’s. What is there to say about a MacDonald’s cheese burger that hasn’t already been said a million times. I’m sure the band members think they’ve really stuck it to the man which is annoying but who really cares. Autosham will fade into obscurity one day… then again, maybe the singer will choke on a MacDonald’s cheese burger and go down in rock history. Who knows.

  8. DildoWizard_420 says:

    Very important for Simon Sweetman to do him job

  9. $200k invested in pure bollocks. Fuck off back to the drawing board Autozamm & give me my 3 minutes back. Muppets

    • stephen says:

      $200K.. I guess they win, then. This makes me want to kill myself^H^H^H^H^H^H.

  10. Endsongs says:

    You might want to check out the loving Autozamm and their fans are giving The Corner here: http://www.facebook.com/autozamm
    I wonder how they will cruelly and childishly mock you all in their next video?

  11. Also, Laura reminded me about ‘Mr. Writer’ – surprised no one else thought to bring this up.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mr._Writer
    (Video: http://youtu.be/IwOMnIuAGOY)

  12. If I had to review drivel like this (and I admit that I shied away from it because it was so bland, not to mention the “waaaaaaaaaaah” factor), I might need a shit-tonne of sugar to stay awake too. Nice attempt at body-shaming though. The comments on the YouTube video are worth noting – and I’m sure that the current “7 likes, 44 dislikes” are generated by those other than the reviewer/blogger crowd.

  13. Benjii says:

    “some one throw these guys a basketball. its actually funny these days.”

    Don’t…. understand…. that…. comment…. from…. Autozamm?

  14. Diana says:

    OMG what a waste of $200K.

    The attitude of the Facebook page sucks- the band sounds like bitter & twisted babies. a little bit like SRN of that other forgettable band that keep getting NZ On Air funding.

    I think the decisionmakers at NZ On Air need replacing. I nominate myself for the job.

    THE TAXPAYER WANTS IT’S $200,000 BACK!

    • Benjii says:

      Forgive me for saying this, but wasn’t it partially the situation regarding the funding Autozamn got (through Duncan Grieve’s article in Real Groove some moons ago, along with other musicians) and the comparison to how many record they shift which meant led to NZ on Air rethinking their funding schemes?

      Maybe it was just was just a wonderful dream.

  15. Also, if I were Mr. Sweetman, I would be LMAO with all the fucks Autozamm apparently gave about his article. Can another NZ music critic boast this sort of response?

  16. jeremy says:

    this is like shooting floating turds in a barrell.

  17. jeremy says:

    music critics who give your band a bad review are fat and eat donuts

  18. One day Autozamm’s wish will come true and people will stop writing about them.

  19. I see they’ve now set the as video ‘private’. Things are tough all over.

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